yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the liver wants what the liver wants
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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