there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
