I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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