HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
