That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
