i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
