I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
