there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
