just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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