No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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