that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
