Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize