So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you never un-have a 4some
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
