I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
