all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The feeling are messing with the penis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
