I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
