It's Friday. Sex?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
