My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
