I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
