I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
