Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
