Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
