Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
