I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
