You can't special order awesome
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
