Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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