I cannot find my penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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