I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
