He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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