from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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