he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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