dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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