His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
These tits shall not be calmed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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