You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
