someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
