My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
