i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
