So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
