I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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