I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
