I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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