Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
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They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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