you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
