Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
