Yo dont text me then not text me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
