i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
