Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
