I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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