Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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