were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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