I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
