I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
