I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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