Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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