i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
