Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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