I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
there is puke in my bra ... again
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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