i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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