Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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