At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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