i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
