is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i out mim tonsoeep
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