The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
