fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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