She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
