I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
