I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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