I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
