Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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